Many don't realize that PTSD is not just something that our military personnel battle. PTSD is a disorder that ANYONE who has experiences a traumatic event can suffer with. For our family it is all three of us at some level, however as parents to a teen who suffers from PTSD it means our lives are often left being unpredictable each day.
When your child suffers from this disorder it means bouts of anxiety, depression, a growing list of triggers and on top of that appointments with doctors and therapists.
Its been just over a year since we found our daughter and Bailey's twin sister after she had ended her life and reality has been setting in.
For Bailey it has been a year of lost friends & new friends gained, a year of learning and discovering triggers which sadly are just starting to surface, and also a year of trial & error with getting her back on track.
What many don't realize is when you are dealing with someone who PTSD you have to watch EVERYTHING you say, do and what they do. There are times her brain just decides to re-play the events of the day Morgan died and there is nothing she can do to stop it. There are times if she is caught off guard by a touch she just about jumps out of her skin but yet there are days she needs to be cuddled. There are times she is so tired from getting through the day and experiencing new things that it takes her two days to recover. Sadly this is how she will live for the rest of her life, not to mention there are many things we have cut out of her life so she isn't being forced into dealing with even more triggers. As parents it can be exhausting and very painful to watch. Not to mention we both have our own symptoms of PTSD to deal with.
My husband who never had issues leaving myself or our children before can now find himself in a full anxiety/panic attack if he is away from us for too long. He is hyper vigilant to what Bailey is watching or being exposed to for fear it will trigger something and then he has his daily flash backs he has to deal with as well. Flash backs are the worst, its like reliving the day all over again and you have no control over it.
Then myself well I argue with myself in my head when flash backs start or that dark feeling of loss starts to creep over me. Then I am left standing there thinking I must look like an idiot to others who can see me because for me I zone out completely to be able to bring myself back from it.
To know what each person is going through or feeling is impossible because each of us is different and each of us have different triggers, symptoms and coping methods. Which means just in our home alone we have three who all experienced the same trauma but yet all three of us have different symptoms etc of PTSD. The only thing we have in common is that when one is suffering the others are able to be there and it isn't a trigger.
Living with a child who has PTSD is almost like walking on egg shells all the time. Your scared of something setting them back, your scared something they see will send them into a flash back, your scared something they experience through the day will cause a nightmare and your scared someone will do something to them throughout the day that will cause a reaction that they can not control and you worry that the schools will never be equipped to deal with a child who may or may not have an episode that day or a reaction to something that has happened or to something someone has said or done.
So what is it like living with a child with PTSD? Its a living nightmare of constant worry, but also a life of living in the moment because that may be all you have with them each day. It is a life of explaining why they may or may not react in a "normal" way to certain things and a life time of making sure that they are watched and get the help they need when they need it!
We are all survivors but with that comes ups and downs. Its what we learn and take from those ups and downs that get us through each day and is a guide to help through other days.