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On the day Morgan ended her life and we left the hospital to come home, we were greeted by a swarm of dragonflies.
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9 Months Old
Bailey & Morgan
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Kindergarten
Looking back now I remember the last time we had seen so many together. It was after my grandfather had passed away and we had taken the twins to my in-laws trailer for the day. We decided to take the long way home and we had a swarm of dragonflies follow us and surround us most of the way home.
They say they represent change, transformation and adaptability but also joy and invite you to dive deeper into your emotions. Well I don’t think these two events could have meant all of us diving deeper into our emotions.
It’s been a year. The longest, emotion filled, time consuming, reflective and eye opening year me and my family has ever had to go through.
Reflecting….. Seems many who face a loss reflect on times of happiness and how you continue on. For me I soon realized what I could tolerate in life and what I couldn’t. I no longer tolerated petty complaining, those who didn’t serve a purpose in my life and more importantly I realized just how short, precious and cruel life can be.
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Grade 2
No matter how long you have been healing when you lose someone to suicide the “what if’s” & “If only’s” never go away and they never stop. If only I hadn’t stopped to grab magazines, if only we hadn’t stopped to grab Morgan’s guitar books, what if I had stayed home with her, but reality is nothing I or we did or didn’t do would have made a difference. The fact is my baby girl, the youngest of five, is no longer with us physically.
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Fall 2008
The fact is we all will remember and do everything we can to continue on without her by our sides. The one child who always cuddled with me and cried on my shoulder about the evils of the world, the one who was always the first to great family at the door with a hug and the last to hug them when they left, the one who always felt the way no child should feel, the one who always seen the good in everyone and everything no matter how they made her or others feel, and
the one who gave life meaning when all hope and faith was lost.
On June 27th 2014 this world lost a young woman determined to change it for the good what all it did was hurt and break her. In the end the hurt and pain was too much for a young mind and body despite the old soul she was.
I think back to every memory, every smile, tear and every hug, head butt, kiss and I love you mama, but also every annoying habit, the sibling fights (and man her and her twin could fight) every push for independence, everything a parent complains about and I am left thinking WOW.
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Christmas 2009
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Grade 3
Every time a parent complains, wishes things were different, wishes their child would just listen, I am left thinking yet again “if only”. If only I could hear her yell down the stairs that Bailey used her makeup, if only she was here to stomp up the stairs cause for a 90 pond girl she always sounded like a herd of elephants going up and down stairs and if only I could hear I love you mama one more time.
As much as we as parents think it’s annoying to hear them complain of fight with us/siblings, trust me, without it in your house life becomes quiet and silence is not always good and what we want.
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Grade 4
I see parents and teens on phones or other technology when out on what should be a family get together and I think “how can you not engage or talk to each other”. I want to tell them that in a blink of an eye your world and life can change and YES it can be your family! Enjoy your children, live with them and make memories with them so they have those to reflect on when you’re gone or in our case we can look back on because she is gone!
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Christmas 2011
Today, June 27th, will be hard without a doubt but I refuse to just let my daughter be another “high profile” teen suicide cause by the effects of bullying. What I choose for her memory and honour is a young girl who wanted change in this world for all so they could feel safe wherever they were, so they could look in the mirror and be proud of what they seen looking back at them, that each and every person is seen as an equal despite their differences and to help heal those who need it.
I want for her to be the face of change; the reason why we stop the abuse children put each other through and be the face of change for all children in this generation and future generations.
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Cheer Provincial Champs
2012
What I choose for Morgan’s Mission Memorial Society is a society that fights for change, that researches and educates others (youth, teens and parents alike), and who is personally there for other families faced with the same issues we have been through. Why? Because THIS is who Morgan was and forever will be.
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Grade 6 2013
We are not a family who has suffered a loss and is lost in grief but a family of survivors who have faced reality and walked right through every damn thing that this year has thrown at us!
Morgan Lynn Dunbar is and always will be the daughter to Natasha Lee Dunbar & Gregory Lloyd Dunbar, Sister to Amber, Emillee & Austin Jenkins, identical twin to Bailey Anne Dunbar, Proud aunt to April Lee Savoy who was her pride, joy and love of her life, Granddaughter to Doug & Paulette Jenkins and Kevin & Rosanne Dunbar, Great granddaughter to Dorothy Everett and Doris Foster, Niece to Jeff, Brandi (DJ) and Tiffany (James) Jenkins & Chris (Ashley) Dunbar, Cousin to Kobe, Taylor, Brynlee, Dezi, Shayla, Shawn, Kiera, Kelsey and Brody, and best friend to Isobel, Riley, Taylor, Sarah and many many more. I have yet to meet someone who knew her that wasn’t touched by her in some way.
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Easter 2014
So today, one the first angelversary, we will not mourn the loss of Morgan but celebrate her short 13 years of life and everything she stood for. She is missed and loved dearly and forever will be missed and loved beyond words. Nothing will ever change that.
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June 2014
Two weeks before her death
Pictured with her niece April
What will change is how one girl can & will be the face of change so that others will never have to face the same torment & abuse she endured. That other will have the help & resources needed when she didn’t have them to help her get that light back at the end of the tunnel and lastly how society looks at bullying/cyber bullying and mental health illness in youth & teens.
THIS is what Morgan always wanted for everyone. A life free from fear, abuse and help for all those who need at the time they need it the most.
So please, today light a candle, porch light etc. and remember not just Morgan but all those who have been lost to suicide, bullying and mental illness and maybe just maybe talk to your children about the evils of the world and ask them what we can do to make it better for them.
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June 2013