Are you one of those who believe bullying will never go away? Or maybe one of those who think bullying is an over used term.... What is bullying and why has it become so much more common then when us adults were young? And when does bullying cross the line?
For so many the term bullying infuriates us to the point we want something done and fight for the school system and law enforcement to do something to fix the problem. The sad reality is bullying has become a term use to describe behaviour that falls under criminal activity and we are down playing it by not seeking criminal charges for the incident.
Reality is the term bullying only applies to repeated hurtful behaviour that happens on multiple occasions where the balance of power has shifted to one person. You don't get to argue with someone then when things don't go your way you say your being bullied when the balance of power has never shifted to one side. It is also use for the age group 12 and under. Once they reach the age of 12 they are able to be charged under the criminal code or if under the age of 18 the Young Offenders Act.
So when do you stop calling it bullying and see it for what it is? Well lets go through the list. For a lot of people they think that if a youth has physically hit, punched or kicked their child its bullying, well its not its assault and it needs to be report as such because it is NOT bullying it is in fact a criminal offence, people who have items stolen from them is theft NOT a form of bullying, a person who has had vicious things said that can ruin their reputation intentionally is defamation of character and a criminal charge, one who has been threatened, stalked, raped, exploited or harassed again ALL criminal offenses! If we want to change how bullying is handled then we need to stop down playing criminal behaviour by saying its just bullying when if fact it is not!
By down playing these behaviours we are allowing the justice system to look at it differently and the behaviour is then often repeated and in most cases escalates to something far worse! By stating the facts and seeing the behaviours for what they are then you are able to seek a form of consequence that will punish the behaviour. When we were in school if we got into a fight at school or in public we were charged with assault and had a form of punishment for the behaviour, now they get spoken to and nothing happens because we are down playing it and calling it bullying.
So what else do we have to do to help stop the cases of bullying from rising?? We also need to start looking at why these youth are behaving in these manners. If this is all they know they are not going to know that the behaviour is wrong and they need to be put into counselling to get to the root of the problem and be taught what is acceptable behaviour. Rehabilitation needs to be a part of fixing the problem. This also needs to be the case at all ages.
As parents what can we do, well there is honestly a lot we can do. We can teach our children that it is okay to not like someone but it is NOT okay to be mean or speak of them in a manner that will hurt them. We need to also teach our children that not everyone is going to be nice or speak to them the way they have been taught so in these cases we need to teach them to look at the situation and ask what could the person be going through that has them behaving like this. We can teach them that the cyber world is not always kind, that they are going to come across people who will attack them because they feel there is nothing that can be done. We teach them to secure themselves online by not sharing passwords, not adding people we don't know, by keeping computers in common areas of the home and not behind closed doors, by keeping video gaming in common areas and by teaching ourselves what is out there for social media and being an active part of our children's online life. We show our children healthy conflict resolution, set the example for them. If you have an issue or you have been hurt then allow them to see how conflict is resolved so that neither part is hurt intentionally. And more importantly if you need help with any of these DO NOT be afraid to seek resources available to you and your child! The old way of "It takes a village" is one of the best ways to create a community that is safe for all our children!
One thing I explain to parents when it comes to video gaming online is this, would you allow grown men and women into your child's bedroom with the door shut to play games with them? I have yet to receive an answer of yes, so then I ask then why are we allowing in online? You don't know who they are playing with, what is being said in these messages or how old these people are that they are playing with. And as sad as it is adults don't always realize that at 2am there are still younger teens up playing video games!
So with the younger youth that bullying does apply to, how can we help stop the behaviour before it escalates into criminal behaviour? The answer to this is not as hard as most would think. By starting when they start school you make sure they are learning to express their emotions in a healthy and safe way, you teach the rest to be understand and have empathy for the classmate who is going through a hard time. You teach them the difference between being mean and expressing the truth in a non hurtful way. Teacher are able to be a huge part in fixing these problems by implementing emotional checks, ask the kids in the morning how they are feeling and if there is someone upset or angry then encouraging them to talk about it, repeat that routine after lunch etc because people can feel different ways throughout the day. When there is a problem you can teach them how to properly work it out with the other student. Conflict resolution is a skill they will need for the rest of their lives! We need to start putting the emotional and mental health of our youth and teens first because they are NOT going to learn the way they should if they are sitting there angry because someone hurt their feelings.
We can not keep telling them to "suck it up" by doing this you are teaching them to bottle their emotions to the point they WILL explode and it will result in unwanted behaviour! Teach them to express and resolve the issues they are having. And please do not be scared to be a parent! Your not your child's friend, there is plenty of time to be a friend when they are adults (trust me). As a parent our job is raise a child who is able to express themselves properly, be able to set goals and achieve them without us holding their hand (let them fall and get up on their own), teach them how to cope with failure and rejection because we all know that is a reality in our adult world, allow them to want something and have to work for it (they will have to work for things when they are in the working world or in post secondary schooling) and most importantly make yourself available to them. When they are adults you deserve to be able to sit back and enjoy your own life again and not have to raise an adult.
For those of you who don't agree or only partially agree that is fine and I respect your choices but I do ask you to remember that your child is part of a bigger picture. It is not just them out there in the world, we want to protect our children by nature, but, I know we all want our children to grow up to be respected and successful in their lives without hurting others to get there.
Bullying can be a thing of the past but it will take each and every one of us to do our part in fixing the problems. We need to stop downplaying behaviour, encourage emotional and mental health, and be the example our future needs.